Timo Schmitz: “December Storm” (2013)

If you hurt me, shall I forgive you?
When I forgive you, will you hurt me again?
Honestly I can forgive all you did wrong,
We are not perfect, but perfect is our universe,
And if you smash our universe it is nothing,
I still own my own universe, the innocent longing,
To connect my universe with that other one,
Making her the centre, and me the point who is addicted to it.
But you and me at the moment, it is nothing like that,
There are still two universes we call the ours, but not yet ready to get connected.
So if you go away – I won’t care,
If you go, I won’t cry,
I won’t regret!
And as it rained so heavily, a storm came up, and it became so dark.
A heavy tornado in my heart!
But as it passes by,
the rain stops to cry!
You think my heart is broken, you think you left it damaged.
Honestly, my heart feels as if it wants to explode,
But on the other side it feels stronger than all the time before.
And yet, when I see another cute girl, I’m still shy because I am afraid,
I am afraid of being hurt again.
And so I still think of you, and miss you secretly.
But as the days go by, I slowly forget our memories.
You are the last girl who has hurt me.
If such a situation comes again, I will be strong enough,
I won’t feel sad.
You don’t deserve that anyone cries after you.
That’s just true!
You just hurt others, without thinking, so easily,
You think the best woman you would be,
Have you ever thought of my feelings?
I don’t care about you anymore,
And someone like you just doesn’t deserve this attention.
So if a situation like this comes again, I will just laugh about it, and leave easily,
Without sorrow,
Without regret,
Without missing.
I could forget you and all our memories after we broke up.
I wonder, why do I always fall in love with those girls who don’t really care about me?
Is there no serious one with a serious interest ready to confess?
Those girls who tell about themselves that they are the best are often the worst,
While those girls who feel they are not so good, are honestly the best.
But such a good girl just doesn’t dare to confess,
While the bad girl is not caring about anything in life, and never cares about the other’s feelings – just like you did!
Your words were like a mirror.
You complained about me, but all you said is actually, about you – not about me.
It is easy to say it is my fault – and it is difficult for you to admit that it was just you.
You wanted me to feel bad – because it makes you stronger.
Do you know that you failed?
Although I feel bad just now, I will feel stronger, because I am aware that it was your fault.
I am aware that you are the one who hurt me – and not vice versa.
I am aware that there are so many people who are better than you,
I know that there is a real universe.
I have no memory of you,
I have no more feelings for you,
I don’t miss you.
It is as if you never existed in my life.
I only look forward – not backward.
Many relationships give us beautiful moments and wonderful lessons we will never forget,
Situations we will treasure.
But sometimes we meet people who are not worth to be remembered – who try to destroy that beautiful memories.
It is only few days past and I already throw a glance after other girls, bringing me new beautiful memories – but you are forgotten forever.

 

Written in: December 2012

Adopted from: Schmitz, Timo. For better and for worse – A collection of poems. Berlin, 2013. ISBN 978-3-8442-6222-3. All rights reserved.

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